September
2005 Vol. 1 No.5
Men's
Ministry and Size
By Richard Aeschliman
There are some churches that might
think in order to have a men’s ministry one needs to have a large
church, with someone on staff who can head up a program. The
tendency is to think in terms of numbers and usually BIG numbers at
that. If someone asks the question, “Do you have a men’s ministry?”
do you feel inadequate or guilty if there is not a large group of
men who actively attend Bible studies and prayer groups on a weekly
basis?
Let me suggest that if you think that
the most important thing in being successful in men’s ministry is
the size of the group(s) then you need to re-evaluate the purpose of
having a men’s ministry. All kind of surveys taken in recent years
reveal the isolation that men feel, and that 95% of men don’t think
they have one close personal friend. This problem in our western
culture, and in our churches suggests that it will be a minority of
churches that have large numbers of men involved in men’s ministry.
On the other hand I believe that most
churches probably have a group of men who meet together for
breakfast and prayer, or Bible study on some regular schedule. There
are probably a large number of churches that hold one or more events
for men whether it is a retreat, or get-together for fellowship.
None of this may be a part of an "official organization" of the
church. It is simply an informal gathering of men.
This is men’s ministry in its
embryonic form. It should be looked upon as opportunity to minister
to men so they grow deeper in their spiritual lives and
relationships. As the prophet Zechariah writes, “Who despises the
day of small things? Men shall rejoice when they see the plumb line
in the hand of Zerubbabel.” Size of church, staff, or resources has
nothing to do with having a men’s ministry. All it takes is for two
or three men to step out with a “plumb line” and measure what God
wants them to do to build friendship and brotherhood.
How to begin
to do this is sketched out in the following articles in this issue.
The old Chinese proverb says, “The best time to plant a tree was
twenty years ago. The next best time is now.”
Building a Sustainable Men’s Ministry
“Helping
Men Get Better Connected”
By Gary
Yagel
The Crisis of Male Isolation in Today’s Church.
In 1996 a survey was taken of over 120,000 Christian men, who were
asked, “Do you have a best friend?” An astonishing 95% answered,
“no.” Nineteen out of twenty Christian men in our country are
so disconnected that they have no best friend. They are
fighting their spiritual battles alone. Is it any wonder that so
many are losing the battle with lust and pornography, the battle to
be self-disciplined, the battle for the souls of their teens, the
battle to overcome their fear and regularly share the gospel with
others. One of the most vital goals of men’s ministry must be to
get men connected.
The kind of friend Christian men today are missing is
the kind described in the second part of Proverbs 18:24, “A man
of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who
sticks closer than a brother” Most Christian men today have
many companions, but no friend who sticks closer than a brother.
They have numerous acquaintances, but no
brothers in arms.
With a friend who is merely an acquaintance,
conversation centers around the ball game, work, the kids,
vacations, and the news—superficial subjects kept safely away from
issues of the heart. “Acquaintance,” and “superficial
connection” are the concepts behind the Hebrew word used in the
first half of Proverbs 18:24 which is translated, “companion.” In
sharp contrast is having a true “friend,” (NIV,) also
translated “beloved friend” who sticks closer than a
brother.
This is the kind of brother Paul had in Epaphroditus.
Paul introduced him to the Philippians as “my brother, fellow
worker, and fellow soldier.” (Phil. 2:25) Here are two souls
knit together by common family bonds, by a common task to be
accomplished, and by a common enemy to be faced. Epaphroditus was a
true brother in arms to Paul, the kind of friend every Christian man
needs.
How to Get Men Better Connected
One of the most common ways churches seek to get men connected is
through monthly men’s breakfasts. Unfortunately, these are often
poorly attended, especially by men who have young children. They
also have little value in helping men build friendships that go
beyond the surface level. They may have a legitimate place in men’s
ministry, but viewed through the lens of building friendships, they
are just the starting point for men to connect with each other.
A more effective solution to male isolation is to
encourage men to be in weekly men’s Bible studies. One of the keys
to success for such groups is scheduling them at a time that does
not take men away from their families. This usually means either
before work or at lunch on the job. There is excellent material
available from Man in the Mirror for such studies, including video
CD’s of Pat speaking to his men’s group in Orlando. These can be
loaded on a lap top and include discussion questions.
View
the Man in the Mirror Bible Study Resource page.
Another solution to male isolation is to encourage
“Jonathan and David” relationships. Scripture tells us that
Jonathan’s soul was “knit together” with David’s. Men don’t have to
be in a 2 hour Bible study with 5-6 men to connect, but can be
challenged and helped to forge a brotherhood bond with one or two
men for spiritual support and accountability.
PCA pastor Don Sampson was leading a church in
Woodbridge, VA that had a strong commitment to home fellowship
groups, but knew his men needed to be connected to other men at a
deeper level. Since many of them worked near each other, he wanted
a tool that they could use to begin to share their spiritual lives
with one or 2 other men during lunch. A tool was developed, called
Check 6, based on the military expression, “I’ve got your 6,”
meaning, “I’m covering your back.” The Check 6 pocket-sized
tri-fold includes questions to ask each other each week to encourage
one another as men, to pray for each other’s spiritual battles, and
to hold each other accountable as Christ-followers. It is based
upon Eccl. 4:12, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend
themselves. A chord of three strands is not easily broken.”
Later, a 50 page booklet entitled,
Forging Bonds of Brotherhood,
was written to accompany the Check 6 tool to show men how to build
friendships for encouragement and accountability.
Order this booklet
with the Check 6 tri-fold.
Every man in your church needs a brother to encourage
him and to help him fight his spiritual battles. If attending a
weekly men’s Bible study isn’t going to work for him, he can be
challenged to find a “Check 6” or “Jonathan and David” kind of
brother to meet with for an hour at some mutually convenient time.
This could be breakfast before work, lunch, or even a connection by
phone. There are several sources for questions that can be used as
the agenda for this meeting. Appendix 2 of
Brothers! Calling Men Into Vital Relationships, by Jeff
Gorsuch has 28 accountability questions. In chapter 23 of
The Man in the Mirror, Pat Morley gives 21 questions for
accountability. The Check 6 tool mentioned above has a
combination of questions to stimulate encouragement and
accountability. A fourth option is to go to our CE&P Website and
download a Jonathan and David Bond of Brotherhood Questions.
How
to Lead a Weekly Men's Small Group
Patrick
Morley
Few things have
changed my life like the small groups I have been in over the last
30 years. Currently I'm in two-a leaders discipleship group and, for
25 years, a weekly one-on-one meeting for fellowship and prayer. The
most intense learning, growth, sharing, encouragement,
accountability, prayer, and fellowship I've experienced has taken
place in small groups.
However, most
men's small groups peter out. Ironically, the same small group that
can bring about great change is also fragile to sustain.
The goal is to
"create, capture, and sustain disciples." How can we overcome
inertia? To make disciples we need momentum-we must "create,
capture, and sustain momentum." So what's the secret? The secret of
momentum is to "create, capture, and sustain value."
I would like to
show you how small groups open the door to creating, capturing, and
sustaining all three-disciples, momentum, and value.
THE CASE: WHY SMALL
GROUPS?
Jesus used a small
group to create momentum. Jesus launched his divine plan to redeem
mankind by making disciples out of a small group. Impressive. The
question, of course, is why would he do that? Why a small group?
Jesus knew that
most meaningful change takes place in the context of small group
relationships-men sharpening men with truth, encouraging each other
for the daily battle, and sticking with each other over the long
haul. To
continue reading, click here.
What is Happening in
the PCA
Interview with Tom
Beall, Evangelical Presbyterian, Annapolis, MD.
Tom is the staff
person responsible for men’s ministry
GITG: Tom, describe the present men’s ministry at EP Annapolis.
TB: After 11 years of failure, hard work, much discouragement, and
a few successes, we now have 200-250 guys meeting with other men in
small groups.
GITG: Wow! If the membership of EP is about 1200, that must be
65-75% of the men in the church. That is tremendous. How did you
get to this point? Describe the process.
TB: For the first few years we sort of wallowed around doing the
regular men’s ministry things. We had an occasional men’s dinner
with a Christian sports figure or businessman. We had monthly men’s
breakfasts, and guys would come to the events, but they weren’t
getting connected to one another. One other man and I were meeting
on Wednesday nights for a Bible study together, and we’d invite guys
to join the 2 of us. But, for a long while, they never seemed to
catch the vision. For a long time, this friend and I were the only
ones who would reach out to the men who attended the men’s events.
GITG: What seemed to turn things around?
TB: Really, there was no specific event. I guess the key was that
my buddy and I persevered in modeling our own commitment to each
other and to meeting for Bible study. Slowly, a few other men began
to express a desire to be in a Bible study, also. We started a 6AM,
before-work study. Then we started a study for younger Christians
on Tuesday nights, and then a third study. My buddy and I poured
ourselves into the guys coming to these studies, and especially into
the leaders.
GITG: Did you have some big events to attract guys to the men’s
ministry?
TB: Yes, we had occasional events such as seminars, golf
tournaments, etc. But we tried to emphasize to our men’s Bible
study leaders that the main purpose of these events was to give them
activities that they could invite men to who are not connected to a
Bible study. We were so conscious of making “relationships” our
goal and not the “program,” that we put off having a men’s retreat
for many years. When we finally had our first one, our men’s Bible
study leaders saw it fundamentally as a great opportunity to bring
their group with them in order to deepen their relationships with
each other.
GITG: You have such a high percentage of men connecting with other
men, why do the new men who come to the church get into men’s small
groups?
TB: I think that by modeling and investing in leaders and them
investing in our men, and with a lot of support from our senior
pastor, God has enabled us to create a kind of “culture” at EP where
men sort of expect to get connected to other men in some kind of
group.
GITG: Could you summarize what you’ve learned about men’s ministry
over the past 11 years.
TB: Keep modeling connection with men. Persevere, even when it
seems to take so long to see tangible results. Jesus had 12 men at
the end of 3 years. Keep challenging the men at the core to reach
out to other men to help them get connected. Always see the program
as serving the greater goal of helping men build relationships with
one another.
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