The Spring 1998 issue of the Resource Letter featured an article by Paige Benton, “Singled Out by God for Good.” It was a wake up call for many of us to remember that Titus 2 1-5 is a call to biblical discipleship…it is about teaching women to live covenantally…. it is a principle that transcends our life season. Here is another article by a young single women that helps us remember the Titus principle is about being a covenant keeper by helping to keep covenant in every life season and circumstance. Let us hear and respond within our local church bodies.

LeighAnn Armbrester is currently serving as Single Women’s Ministry Coordinator, Intown Community Church in Atlanta, Georgia.  

Assembling General Thoughts

 I am a minority demographic. I am a single, under-thirty, female in leadership in a PCA church with single women—which the church does not know what to do with. I am without husband or children, and am therefore a strange creature. I think I now understand why single women do not readily connect with the rest of the church: no one knows how to break the tension. Let me explain…

I am not a statistical person, but I can’t wait to research to see how many single women are around today in comparison to…say…1960. Women today are marrying later so that they will not follow the same path of their friends who married early and are now divorced. Single women today are working longer and harder than ever, climbing the corporate ladder. Many have children either through a previous marriage and divorce or through adoption, which adds a completely new set of circumstances.

So why is there tension? Ask five single, church-going women the longing of their heart, and four out of five will tell you it is to connect with other singles like themselves and with an older woman as friend, mentor, or discipler. Easy, right? Wrong. Married women are intimidated by the younger, post-modern generation. They do not know “what to do” with the current age/stage single. Older PCA women may have never had a prolonged “season of singleness,” worked outside of the home, or know what it’s like to be alone at age thirty. They were never there, and so they think they can’t relate or contribute to the life of a single woman. What a shame. When did we get this picture of solidarity among age/stage, and why doesn’t anyone cut the tension? It seems that married women “have a burden for single women,” but are too scared to open up their homes and lives for fear of nothing to relate with other than babysitting jobs and free meals.

If this is the picture of mentoring, no wonder it is not happening. The singleness of a woman is not a burden—It is a calling for a season. Marriage is not a right (or a burden)—it is a season of life. If we are not actively training women to live their lives in front of one another through these seasons, we are nullifying God’s calling in service to the covenant community, throwing away the model Christ gave in living His life before others, and replacing a time of growth and joy with false independence and pride that we can make it alone in this world. That is scary.

In isolation we make poor decisions that affect the whole body of Christ. In isolation we remove ourselves from the corporate family, where needs are met and growth occurs. Without family life the believer is estranged, out of sync, and unable to be complete because there is no iron sharpening iron.

We place a person in isolation in the church when we ignore their season connection to the body by not accessing them. What does this look like? The WIC committee running separate from the women’s ministry, which is separate from the singles ministry, which is negligent of the youth group, which doesn’t have any connection to the “senior saints.” In an effort to create the inclusive programs, we have successfully excluded the wisdom and connection to the whole church body.

Why is this? It is more comfortable to be with people my same age/stage rather than among the intergenerational family of God. So, we’ve traded God’s family and growth in our lives for our own comfort. What a shame that singles are not tapping into the lives of the senior saints because of intimidation, while those with the wisdom of ages are intimidated by the almost-forty singles in corporate America because they have not personally been there.

Women, it’s time to get uncomfortable with our WIC Bible studies, circles, and Joy luncheons. Yes, the post-modern generation is upon the PCA, but is disconnected because people of all ages/stages want to stay in their comfort zones. We must exercise service and mercy in the church body before we can ever move into our corrupt, vile world where we are called to minister. Women, it’s time to get our “house in order” and to live connected to the body, nurturing our covenant community, and looking beyond our comfort zones to teach and train women biblically and covenantally.

Does this involve a program? Only if the program creates a connective structure. But, unless we can answer the questions “What are we doing?” “Why are we doing it?” and “Who are we bringing with us?” we have missed the boat entirely. Until we train women to answer these same questions with biblical, gospel-centered answers, we are deceiving ourselves into thinking that God’s kingdom is benefiting by the plan of action.

Answering these questions also drives us to discipleship—the multiplication of believers in study and in life. It requires investment, whether large or small. This leads to mentoring—a meal in someone’s home or praying together every two weeks. The word mentor normally brings a mental image of a dedicated four-hour intensive Bible study and prayer time, with hours of preparation and a perfect, model life. It does not have to look this way. Mentoring can be an hour in the kitchen or a phone call every two weeks—anything kind of investment. As with anything, start small and work bigger.

Some believe that this calling to mentor is just for a season. I disagree. Obedience in the Kingdom lasts beyond a lifetime. This is what God has called us to do to glorify Him—by investing in others. Until we start small in obedience through connection and investment, we are only reflecting the culture in which we live—disconnected, independent, and isolated. It will be a constant fight. Let’s not forget that God is good, faithful in what He does, and that His glory is reflected through us, broken vessels. May we not lose sight of this, and may the family of God find the family ties. May women find their sisters and live in connection with one another. Connection will lead to investment, growth, and ultimately, God’s glory.

Let us remember the end result and start networking to get there now.

·        Copy this and take it to your next council meeting/ PresWIC meeting.

·        Be sure session and church staff have a copy of this to brainstorm about the issues raised.

·        Send us your ideas for ministry to singles so that we can share them with other WIC ministries.

·        Pray by name for the singles in your church.

·        Be compassionately creative in reaching out to the whole family of God. Think integratively, covenantally… not marginally.

·        Singles, be willing to move out and reach out.

·        Share this with your family – prayerfully reach out as a family to a single in your local church.